Donald Trump is the world’s LARGEST Narcissist…

Being that President Elect Donald Trump is the world’s LARGEST Narcissist it’s an appropriate time to explore his style and tradition of family planning for us all:

The article below and more like them can be found by clicking on the blue link: Lynne Namka family relationships articles

Selfishness and Narcissism in Family Relationships
Author: Lynne Namka, Ed. D.

Narcissism as a psychological definition is typically seen as self-involved attitudes and behavior where there is little or no empathy for others. Narcissistic wounding starts early in life to children whose parents are insecure, abusive, addictive or have narcissistic patterns themselves.

Narcissistic injury happens to the child when his or her emotional needs are not met. The narcissistic parent has unresolved needs for attention and care taking because his or her needs were not met in their early life. Neglect, physical, mental and sexual abuse, being spoiled and not given structure and limits create the wounding. Narcissism can be an inflated ego sub part or the trait can take over the personality. Narcissistic attitudes and behavior come from the ego defenses that function as smoke screens to hide the deep shame and fractures that came from being hurt emotionally or physically as a child.

The child who was not allowed to have boundaries becomes energetically and developmentally arrested at this level with beliefs of not being safe in the world and being unworthy and unlovable. Thus the Shadow is born with the defenses and negative core beliefs becoming set in the child’s repertoire. The child carries this primitive, self-defense core of fear even into adulthood. This is called the “Core Script” or Core Identity, which is like a big lens of perception by which the world is viewed. The defenses remain lurking in the unconscious mind ready to be called into action at any resemblance of threat.

The False Self – Narcissism or Codependency:
We can be a little bit hurt or a lot hurt by neglect, abuse or trauma. The depth of the wound to the psyche determines the severity of the insult to the child’s personality and a loss of the true self for the child. A false self develops along with a fragile self esteem of defining identity as feeling good when being given to or giving to others. The child is stuck in early primitive defenses and cannot go through the stage of normal separation from the parents that is necessary for growth.

Children of a difficult, more stubborn temperament defend against being supportive of others in the house. They observe how the selfish parents get his needs met by others. They learn how manipulation and using guilt gets the parent what he or she wants. They develop a false self and use aggression and intimidation to get their way.

The sensitive, guilt-ridden children in the family learn to meet the parent’s needs for gratification and try to get love by accommodating the whims and wishes of the parent. The child’s normal feelings are ignored, denied and eventually repressed in attempts to gain the parent’s “love.” Guilt and shame keep the child locked into this developmental arrest. Their aggressive impulses become split off and are not integrated with normal development. These children grow up learning to give too much and develop a false self of becoming co-dependent in their relationships.

Living on Fantasy Island:

People with narcissistic thinking and behavior strive to defend their fragile self esteem through fantasy and have blind spots in their thinking. Living in a fantasy world where all their needs are met and unrealistic expectations take the place of life. They become involved in material things, vanity, and are shallow developing excessive life long interest in things that are not real such as movies, rock stars, soap operas and video games. They fear their feelings, gaining deep friendships and intimacy and cannot develop mature love relationships.

Fantasy can become an attempt to not see what is really there in order to build up a fragile self-esteem. People with narcissistic traits process information, emotions and unresolved pain to make up for what they did not have in childhood. They often place unrealistic demands on others to make them feel better. They cannot tolerate negative emotional distress and turn it on others and blame them instead of looking within to see their own part of the problem. This is the defense of projection — what the person does not like in him or her self, they get angry at others who may have some of that same trait. Projecting one’s anger onto others instead of using it to learn and grow is always limiting.

Self image is distorted with the narcissistic point of view and the person believes that he is superior to others. An inflated self-esteem is a defense to cover up their sense of shame deep within. Grandiosity is an insidious error in thinking that prevents them from blaming themselves and becoming depressed or disintegrated. Creeping narcissism in a person is their succumbing to the gradual demands of selfishness and entitlement by giving in to “I am special” beliefs.

Narcissistic Defenses – The Need to Feel Good at all Costs:
Selfish people usually insist on having things their own way at the expense of others. The need to impose getting one’s way over others is an unreal attitude and expectation that sets other people off against them. When the person with narcissistic tendencies doesn’t get what he or she wanted, he feels devalued. Since they cannot tolerate the feelings of fear, hurt, anxiety, helplessness and despair, they defend against them. They deny and rationalize their own contribution to the problems to preserve their own internal fantasy of being all good and right.

People with narcissistic tendencies have errors in thinking which prevents them from seeing things how they are from both sides of the picture. Not wanting to feel bad inside, they build defenses such as denial, repression and a strong need to be right. When the person has severe traits, they can feel an increase in self-esteem when they get what they want and feel no remorse or justify their using others. John Masterson called this rigid type of thinking a “Swiss Cheese Brain” with holes in the brain and mind where good common sense and conscience should be.

Some even get a sense of feeling superior when they get their way or make others feel bad. This is the dynamic underlying bullying. When hurting others becomes a hook into feelings self-satisfaction, the narcissism takes an ugly turn. There is a cost to this false sense of self-esteem. People who abuse and bully others end up being lonely because others do not want to be around them.

People with narcissistic behavior cannot handle criticism in any way and feel that they are being made wrong. . They are super sensitive to criticism and either attack the other person or they leave the scene. This blaming the person who gives criticism helps the person with narcissistic defenses avoid feeling guilt, shame and depression but it also keeps them from taking responsibility for learning from their mistakes and ultimately from growing up.

They can pout and give the silent treatment or hold grudges. This combination of these defenses that distort reality often set them up for failure in partnerships.

When the narcissistic traits are too severe and causes havoc in the lives of others, there is a disorder. Narcissistic Personality Disorder happens when a person’s outlook is so distorted to the extent that they do not see reality as it is and cannot see the needs of other people. These people are the takers of the world leaving pain and destruction in their wake. If their behavior is left unchecked, they become con artists, manipulators, sociopaths and dictators.

Without empathy for others, people with narcissistic personality disorders can irrationally justify and rationalize their hurtful and unlawful behaviors and may become sexual predators. Family members who have sex with children always have some element of narcissism seeing others as objects that are available for their own sexual satisfaction. High intelligence coupled with a lack of empathy and remorse for hurting others is a dangerous combination for family members. With extreme narcissistic behaviors, the diagnosis may be a sociopath personality disorder.

The Narcissistic Person in Relationship:
The two greatest fears we humans have in relationships are fears of engulfment (smothering, being controlled by someone else) and fears of rejection and abandonment. And to spice up the human drama, our greatest longings are the needs for connection and the opposite need for space and individuality. This is the great Cosmic joke! What a set up for problems! And so the couple dance is set playing out these great, universal themes. People with narcissistic traits have more of this quality than other people. They play both these fears out in the relationships with their significant others, yearning for closeness and fearing it the same time.

When the narcissistic person grows up, they harbor the irrational belief that the person they choose for a partner will give them perfect love and make up for all the hurts and slights of their life. People with severe narcissistic traits long for an ideal love to soothe their fragile sense of self. This yearning for getting unconditional love is an unresolved need left over from childhood. Most adults realize unconditional love would be nice, but understand that it rarely happens as people we love usually hold us accountable for our actions in some way. As we should be –no one should be allowed to impose their neediness and bad behavior on others.

In the narcissistic mind, there is a gap between the idealized love and the actual day-to-day dealings with their partner. They long for symbiosis with the idealized love to stabilize the self, but they fear being traumatized by the partner. They seek refuge in being seen as the good guy and try to gain approval and recognition. When this does not come forth readily, they feel wounded, hurt and attacked. Family members learn to back off from confronting them about their behavior and not “hurt their feelings.” Without someone to put the brakes on their unhealthy and abusive behavior, they can become tyrants.

Constantly seeking attention and approval puts them in the precarious position of always needing something from somebody else. As they believe that they are right and others are wrong, they rarely admit to faults in themselves. They can verbally abuse and punish their spouses and children without seeing the pain that they cause as they believe that the person deserves they abuse they dish out. They may try to enlist a child to side with them and turn against the other parent.

People with narcissistic behavior have a sense of entitlement that allows them to break the rules of society. They believe that the laws do not apply to them and they do not feel remorse when they get caught. However they are upset over any inconveniences they suffer as a result of being busted. They believe they have the right to do what ever it takes to get short term gratification without suffering any consequences.

Lying and distortions of reality are considered fair game to shut the other person down. They feel free to cheat on their income tax, take what is not theirs or cheat on their partners. Criticism of their behavior or trying to get them to see what they are doing only causes them to entrench further into defensiveness. When found out in a wrong doing, they get evasive, lie or get angry. They have little or no remorse for the pain they caused the other person, only anger that they did not get away with their behavior.

Intimacy Skill Defects:
Narcissists have a lack of insight about understanding and processing of feelings. Instead, they deny their uncomfortable feelings and run from them with the exception of anger. The huge core of shame inside must be protected by avoiding the vulnerable feelings. They avoid taking risks to love and never learn to develop true intimacy. They would rather threaten their relationship than face humiliation, embarrassment or injury to their self-esteem. They are slow to learn the all important skills of commitment such as sympathy, understanding the intentions and motives of their partner, compassion and empathy. They may even choose someone to love who is even more narcissistic and selfish than themselves thus mirroring their own problems.

True intimacy and a lasting partnership require the skills of dealing with conflict. After the euphoria of a new relationship wears off, each partner’s values and belief systems begin to rub against each other. At this point negotiating conflict is necessary for the relationship to continue effectively. Narcissistic people often discount the issues in the relationship and pull away from their partner. The narcissistic defenses of becoming angry, shutting down, minimizing and distancing keep them feeling safe in the moment.

Intimacy is always affected. When problems are never resolved, the partner becomes highly threatened and angry themselves thus weakening the relationship. Typically children and partners who suffer verbal, physical or sexual abuse become so overwhelmed and threatened that they do not want to continue in relationship.

Changing the Pattern:
The antidote to narcissistic behavior is to understand how the defenses work, identify and correct the errors in thinking and learn to tolerate frustration, anxiety, sadness and shame. By learning to be straight first with the self, and then with others, these unhealthy defenses can be lessened. Then the person can learn to live in the world of reality even though it hurts at times instead of turning to a fantasy that can never be gained.

People with severe narcissistic traits do not change because they do no believe that they have a problem and what they are doing works for them. The narcissistic defense occurs to keep them from feeling bad so they can’t know their own defects.

People with strong narcissistic traits are not interested in reading self help books or learning about their feelings. What they do works for them–they get what they want and CANNOT see the damage that they inflict on others. They do not want to come to therapy and often have the myth of “I can do it all by myself. I can change if I want to.” while it is apparent to others that they cannot. They are UNABLE to see the depth of their pathology as to know their shortcomings would send them down into great shame which would trigger depression.

Some people with milder versions of narcissistic behavior may change somewhat across their lifetime if they become more aware of their actions because they stand to lose something or someone they love. Some start to admit their selfishness, short comings, defensiveness, inability to take responsibility for their actions. As they grow older, some start to identify their insensitivity when dealing with those around them. With hard work, people with narcissistic defenses can learn conflict negotiation and appropriate, safe anger expression. They can learn to be less self-centered and more empathetic with others.

Some come to couples therapy after years of being abusive asking that their spouse be closer and more intimate with them. What they do not realize is that when there has been great pain and threat, basic trust has been broken in the relationship and it is unlikely that it can be regained.

Education, self-searching and therapy are needed to resolve these defense mechanisms that interfere with the ability to be happy. They can learn to become more real with their feelings; they will gain self-esteem by stretching and growing, even if it means being vulnerable to uncomfortable emotional states. As these new skills are learned, they can achieve more satisfying and balanced relationships with others.

Mature Healthy Narcissism:
Everyone has narcissistic behaviors; it is normal to think of ones self and try to get out needs met. We view the world through our own narrow outlook based on our past history and our conditioning. We all need to care enough about our self (narcissism) to pay our bills and function effectively in life. It is only when selfish behavior gets out of hand does it cause problems for the person and those around him.

“Each of us functions with a core of narcissistic, self focused view of the world,” said Marion Soloman, psychodynamic psychologist. Now we all have a bit of narcissism and indeed need some of it to survive. We all have a bit of selfishness in us and that is okay. Otherwise we would end up giving away everything. We need to learn to receive as well as give to be healthy.

The Narcissistic-Co-dependency Continuum:

Narcissism

Reciprocal Loving

Co-Dependency

Fear: I am not safe unless I get, loving conscious relationship

Love: I am safe

Fear: I am not safe unless I give

Shadow Parts Which Create Suffering

Through Too Little Caring for Others

Through Too Much Caring for Others

Mature Healthy Narcissism:

Getting a good balance between taking from others and giving to them is called “Healthy Narcissism” by the psychoanalytic community. Healthy Narcissism is the ability to have reciprocal relationships where the need of each of the partners is balanced with the needs of the other.

Mature Healthy Narcissism is the middle ground between caring for self and the caring for other. It includes those centered, conscious choices that fall within the center of the continuum. It is the equilibrium between taking too much and giving too much in regards to the other person. Moving towards the middle of the Narcissistic-Co-dependency continuum where there is not too much and not too little of either giving too much to others or expecting too much brings balance into a life. By learning the balance between giving too much and taking too much and learning the skills of communication that create intimacy (See books by Harville Hendrix and John Gottman); you can have loving, fulfilling relationships.

A Chip Off The Old Block
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © 2005

***

Sorting out your family’s dysfunctional behavior helps you take charge of your own life. Parents are a mix of both positive and negative attributes. We examine family patterns not to blame our parents, but to understand how our own neurotic behaviors were formed so they can be changed. Write down the negative facts and realities of your dad’s actions, behaviors, beliefs, personality quirks, illness, job loss, family myths and unrealistic expectations. Include facts such as worked two jobs, not there for me, alcoholism, abuse, favored my sister, stubbornness and messages like “don’t talk feelings.” What did Dad expect you to do to take care of him? Then write his positive qualities.

Dad’s Box – Fill in the blank space…
You are not your parents but you certainly learned from them. You can’t change your history, but you can change your unhealthy behaviors now as an adult to placate, manipulate, hide from, seek approval etc. What survival behaviors did you adapt when you were young? Sort out your box from your dad’s. What did you learn to try to stay safe as a child in your family?

My Box–How I Survived/Learned from my Dad

I described myself as a child by saying ___________________________

I was afraid of _______________________________________________

I always hoped for (but never got) ______________________________

I took care of my dad by ______________________________________

Dad’s addictions were ________________________________________

I took care of myself by ______________________________________

The traumas that changed me were _____________________________

I coped with family dysfunction by ______________________________

I survived in this family by _____________________________________

I told myself that if I did ________________________better,

then dad would ______________________________________________

The unhealthiest thing I learned from dad was _____________________

The best part of my dad I’ve taken on is _________________________

We do what we do as little children in order to get along in our family. With our limited resources of not having power in the family and a lack of life experiences, we resort to survival tactics that we happen on to. Virginia Satir said, “Everyone does the best they can with the resources that they have available at that moment. If they could do better, they would have.” This applies to our parents as well as ourselves. As adults, we can let go of the little child survival mechanisms, forgive ourselves for engaging in them and learn better ways of communicating and getting along with others.

The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree:
Now write about your mother’s patterns–both negative and positive. What personality characteristics and behaviors of your mother affected you deeply? What specific events involving her helped form your personality to the detriment? How did Mom expect you to take care of her? Again, this exercise is for self learning, not to blame your parent. After all, your parents learned dysfunctional behavior from their parents and traumatic life experiences. We are all victims of victims of victims going back the generations.

Mom’s Box – Fill in the blank space…
Therapy offers you a process of sorting out who you truly are after your rid yourself of your negative defenses, beliefs and behaviors. You can choose to stop being a victim of your upbringing. Sort out the similarities and differences between you and your mother. What unhealthy coping mechanism and defenses did you pick up in order to keep the peace, fight for survival or protect others or yourself? Sort out your box from your mothers. By letting go of the negative, you can enhance more of the positives of each of your parents.

My Box–How I Survived/Learned from my Mom

My mom thought I was _______________________________________

I always wanted mom to ______________________________________

I desperately needed ________________________________________

I always hoped for (but never got) ______________________________

I took care of my mom by ______________________________________

Mom took care of me by ______________________________________

Mom’s addictions were ________________________________________

I made mom proud by ______________________________________

I told myself that if I did ________________________better,

then mom would ______________________________________________

The unhealthiest thing I learned from mom was _____________________

The best part of my mom I’ve taken on is _________________________

Healthy Narcissism–Leaving Family Dysfunctional Patterns Behind:
Healthy narcissism is having just the right amount of self centeredness to get some of your own needs met and as well as some of the needs of others. It’s a balance between giving and taking. Healthy narcissism means using appropriate adult communication, having appropriate boundaries and setting limits for your own self protection. It means giving up old survival patterns that no longer work and using adult behaviors that give you more of what you want.

Characteristics of the Parenting Styles in a Narcissistic Family:
Resource: The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment. Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman

_____ I was not allowed to have feeling that might upset my parents.

_____ As a child, I had to meet the emotional needs of the parents.

_____ I learned early on that my needs weren’t valued so stopped trying to get them met.

_____ I felt that I had to act in ways that pleased my parent(s) to avoid being abandoned.

_____ Our family had to look good to outsiders, so I was required to keep the family secrets.

_____ At times my parent’s need to look good to others did help me get some positive attention.

_____ I was expected to read my parent(s) mind and give what they wanted without their asking.

_____ If I tried to set limits and boundaries, they were overrun by my parent(s.)

_____ I was not allowed to make mistakes or change my mind.

_____The less emotional support I got from my parent(s), the more fearful I was that I’d lose it.

_____ I learned to be super responsible to please my parent(s.)

_____ The rule in my family was that parent(s) got to do selfish things because it was their right.

_____ I have had life-long problems making and keeping intimate relationships.

_____ In relationships, I worry about the other person finding out how defective I am.

_____I have an overwhelming need for external (outside of myself) validation.

_____ I learned to achieve early on to bring glory to my family OR Even though I did well in school, my parent(s) ignored my achievements.

_____ I became fragmented trying to figure out what my parent(s) wanted from me.

_____ It was dangerous for me to recognize and express my own power as a child.

_____ I had no inherent value other that what I could do for my parent(s.)

_____ My parent(s) became hurt or angry when criticized so I learned not to rock the boat.

_____ I had to give up my own sense of self to survive in my family.

Characteristics of Narcissistic Parents
Resource: From Children of the Self Absorbed: A Grownup’s Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown

Turns every conversation to him or herself.
Expects you to meet his or her emotional needs
Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you
Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you
Focus on blaming rather than taking responsibility for his own behavior
Expect you to jump at his every need
Is overly involved with his own hobbies, interests or addictions ignoring your needs
Has high need for attention:
Brags, sulks, complains, inappropriately teases, is flamboyant, loud and boisterous
Is closed minded about own mistakes. Can’t handle criticism and gets angry to shut it off
Becomes angry when his needs are not met and tantrums or intimidates
Has an attitude of “Anything you can do, I can do better”
Engages in one-upmanship to seem important
Acts in a seductive manner or is overly charming
Is vain and fishes for compliments. Expects you to admire him
Isn’t satisfied unless he has the “biggest” or “best”
Seeks status. Spends money to impress others
Forgets what you have done for them yet keeps reminding you that you owe them today
Neglects the family to impress others. Does it all: Is a super person to gain admiration
Threatens to abandon you if you don’t go along with what he wants
Does not obey the law–sees himself above the law
Does not expect to be penalized for failure to follow directions or conform to guidelines
Ignores your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings
Tells you how you should feel or not feel
Cannot listen to you and cannot allow your opinions
Is more interested in his own concerns and interests than yours
Is unable to see things from any point of view other than his own
Wants to control what you do and say–tries to micromanage you
Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own
Has poor insight and can not see the impact his selfish behavior has on you
Has shallow emotions and interests
Exploits others with lies and manipulations.
Uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants
May engage in physical or sexual abuse of children
Secure Parents
Meet the emotional and physical needs of the children
Have healthy boundaries and can be assertive in stating them
Respect children’s boundaries and rights to be safe
Resist intrusion and mind games by others
Have strong, positive values and priorities for family
Allow children to express their feelings
Use appropriate self disclosure
Have the ability to develop intimacy and happy relationships
Narcissistic traits are treatable. Education and/or therapy are the keys to long-lasting change. If you find these characteristics in your family and yourself, you can read to learn about how to escape from this destructive pattern.

***

Resources:
Children of the Self Absorbed: A Grownup’s Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents – Nina Brown. Oakland, CA. 2001. New Harbinger Publications.

Narcissism and Intimacy: 1989 Love and Marriage in an Age of Confusion – M. F. Solomon, New York, W. Norton & Co.

The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment – Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman, San Francisco: 1994. Jossey Bass–a Wiley Company.

Deplorable Trump Supporters (An open letter)

Dear Deplorable Trump Supporters,

If you don’t like long reads  or if you want to defend the right to your short attention span, you should stop reading NOW and just admit you are deplorable.  Wear those self-loathing T-shirts that boast of your deplorableness and eagerness to remain so.

During the housing discrimination lawsuit against Donald Trump, where he refused black people into his buildings, he had a mentor and lawyer named Roy Cohn.  

During the “Red Scare” when the United States government placed Hollywood actors, writers, homosexuals, Jewish people, and United States citizens on trial as “suspected” communists, leading fear-monger Senator Joe McCarthy had a lawyer named Roy Cohn.  

Roy Cohn was a closeted gay Jewish man who put homosexuals and Jews in jail to deflect from his own homosexuality, which he failed to stand up for due to deplorable self-hatred.

Donald Trump and Roy Cohn
Donald Trump and Roy Cohn

Deplorable People Here’s Your President Elect Trump:

It was the fall of 1984, Trump Tower was new, and this was unusual territory for the 38-year-old real estate developer. He was three years away from his first semi-serious dalliance with presidential politics, more than 30 years before the beginning of his current campaign—but he had gotten the idea to bring this up, he said, from his attorney, his good friend and his closest adviser, Roy Cohn.
That Roy Cohn.
Roy Cohn, the lurking legal hit man for red-baiting Sen. Joe McCarthy, whose reign of televised intimidation in the 1950s has become synonymous with demagoguery, fear-mongering and character assassination. In the formative years of Donald Trump’s career, when he went from a rich kid working for his real estate-developing father to a top-line dealmaker in his own right, Cohn was one of the most powerful influences and helpful contacts in Trump’s life.
Over a 13-year-period, ending shortly before Cohn’s death in 1986, Cohn brought his say-anything, win-at-all-costs style to all of Trump’s most notable legal and business deals. Interviews with people who knew both men at the time say the relationship ran deeper than that—that Cohn’s philosophy shaped the real estate mogul’s worldview and the belligerent public persona visible in Trump’s presidential campaign.
“Something Cohn had, Donald liked,” Susan Bell, Cohn’s longtime secretary, said this week when I asked her about the relationship between her old boss and Trump.
By the 1970s, when Trump was looking to establish his reputation in Manhattan, the elder Cohn had long before remade himself as the ultimate New York power lawyer, whose clientele included politicians, financiers and mob bosses. Cohn engineered the combative response to the Department of Justice’s suit alleging racial discrimination at the Trumps’ many rental properties in Brooklyn and Queens. He brokered the gargantuan tax abatements and the mob-tied concrete work that made the Grand Hyatt hotel and Trump Tower projects. He wrote the cold-hearted prenuptial agreement before the first of his three marriages and filed the headline-generating antitrust suit against the National Football League. To all of these deals, Cohn brought his political connections, his public posturing and a simple credo: Always attack, never apologize.
“Cohn just pushed through things—if he wanted something, he got it. I think Donald had a lot of that in him, but he picked up a lot of that from Cohn,” Bell said.

“Roy was a powerful force, recognized as a person with deep and varied contacts, politically as well as legally,” Michael Rosen, who worked as an attorney in Cohn’s firm for 17 years, told me. “The movers and shakers of New York, he was very tight with these people—they admired him, they sought his advice. His persona, going back to McCarthy … and his battles with the government certainly attracted clients.”  It was a long, formidable list that included the executives of media empires, the Archbishop of New York and mafia kingpin Fat Tony Salerno, and there, too, near the top, was budding, grasping Donald John Trump.
“He considered Cohn a mentor,” Mike Gentile, the lead prosecutor who got Cohn disbarred for fraud and deceit not long before he died, said in a recent interview.
People who knew Cohn and know Trump—people who have watched and studied both men—say they see in Trump today unmistakable signs of the enduring influence of Cohn. The frank belligerence. The undisguised disregard for niceties and convention. The media manipulation clotted with an abiding belief in the potent currency of celebrity.

Trump did not respond to a request from Politico to talk about Cohn. In the past, though, when he has talked about Cohn, Trump has been clear about why he collaborated with him, and admired him.
“If you need someone to get vicious toward an opponent, you get Roy,” he told Newsweek in 1979.

A year later, pressed by a reporter from New York magazine to justify his association with Cohn, he was characteristically blunt: “All I can tell you is he’s been vicious to others in his protection of me.”
He elaborated in an interview in 2005. “Roy was brutal, but he was a very loyal guy,” Trump told author Tim O’Brien. “He brutalized for you.”
Trump, in the end, turned some of that cold calculation on his teacher, severing his professional ties to Cohn when he learned his lawyer was dying of AIDS.
***
Cohn and Trump, according to Trump, met in 1973 at Le Club, a members-only East Side hangout for social-scene somebodies and those who weren’t but wanted to be.  By then Cohn had been in the public eye for 20 years. As chief counsel to McCarthy, he led secretive investigations of people inside and outside the federal government whom he and McCarthy suspected of Communist sympathies, homosexuality or espionage. Over a period of several years, McCarthy’s crusade destroyed dozens of careers before a final 36-day, televised hearing brought his and Cohn’s often unsubstantiated allegations into the open, leading to McCarthy’s censure in the Senate. Cohn, disgraced by association, retreated to his native New York.  There, through the ‘60s and into the ‘70s, Cohn embraced an unabashedly conspicuous lifestyle. He had a Rolls-Royce with his initials on a vanity plate and a yacht called Defiance. He was a singular nexus of New York power, trafficking in influence and reveling in gossip. He hung on the walls of the East 68th Street townhouse, that doubled as the office of his law firm, pictures of himself with politicians, entertainers and other bold-face names. He was a tangle of contradictions, a Jewish anti-Semite and a homosexual homophobe, vehemently closeted but insatiably promiscuous. In 1964, ’69 and ’71, he had been tried and acquitted of federal charges of conspiracy, bribery and fraud, giving him—at least in the eyes of a certain sort—an aura of battle-tested toughness, the perception of invincibility. “If you can get Machiavelli as a lawyer,” he would write in The Autobiography of Roy Cohn, “you’re certainly no fool of a client.”

Trump was 27. He had just moved to Manhattan but was still driving back to his father’s company offices in Brooklyn for work. He hadn’t bought anything. He hadn’t built anything. But he had badgered the owners of Le Club to let him join, precisely to get to know older, connected, power-wielding men like Cohn. He knew who he was. And now he wanted to talk.

He and his father had just been slapped with Department of Justice charges that they weren’t renting to blacks because of racial discrimination. Attorneys had urged them to settle. Trump didn’t want to do that. He quizzed Cohn at Le Club. What should they do?
He became Donald’s mentor, his constant adviser on every significant aspect of his business and personal life.”

“Tell them to go to hell,” Cohn told Trump, according to Trump’s account in his book The Art of the Deal, “and fight the thing in court.”
That December, representing the Trumps in United States v. Fred C. Trump, Donald Trump and Trump Management, Inc., Cohn filed a $100-million countersuit against the federal government, deriding the charges as “irresponsible” and “baseless.”

The judge dismissed it quickly as “wasting time and paper.”
The back-and-forth launched more than a year and a half of bluster and stalling and bullying—and ultimately settling. But in affidavits, motions and hearings in court, Cohn accused the DOJ and the assisting FBI of “Gestapo-like tactics.” He labeled their investigators “undercover agents” and “storm troopers.” Cohn called the head of DOJ down in Washington and attempted to get him to censure one of the lead staffers.

The judge called all of it “totally unfounded.”

By June of 1975, the judge had had it with the Trumps’ attorney. “I must say, Mr. Cohn,” he said in a hearing, “that this case seems to be plagued with unnecessary problems, and I think the time has come when we have to bite the bullet.”
They hashed out the details of a consent decree. The Trumps were going to have to rent to more blacks and other minorities and they were going to have to put ads in newspapers—including those targeted specifically to minority communities—saying they were an “equal housing opportunity” company. Trump and his father, emboldened by Cohn, bristled at the implication of wrongdoing—even, too, at the cost of the ads.
“It is really onerous,” Trump complained.
At one point, flouting the formality of the court, Trump addressed one of the opposing attorneys by her first name: “Will you pay for the expense, Donna?”
Trump and Cohn seemed most concerned with managing the media. They squabbled with the government attorneys over the press release about the disposition. First they wanted no release. Impossible, said the government. Then they wanted “a joint release.” A what? A public agency, it was explained to them, had a public information office, on account of the public’s right to know.
Cohn didn’t want to hear it.  “They will say what they want,” he told the judge, and everybody else in the courtroom, “and we will say what we want.”
The government called the consent decree “one of the most far reaching ever negotiated.”
Cohn and Trump? They called it a victory.
Case 73 C 1529 was over. The relationship between Cohn and Trump had just begun.
“Though Cohn had ostensibly been retained by Donald to handle a single piece of litigation,” Wayne Barrett, an investigative journalist for New York’s Village Voice, would write in his 1992 book about Trump, “he began in the mid-‘70s to assume a role in Donald’s life far transcending that of a lawyer. He became Donald’s mentor, his constant adviser on every significant aspect of his business and personal life.”

Read more: http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/04/donald-trump-roy-cohn-mentor-joseph-mccarthy-213799#ixzz4JyUx3Buj

Dear Deplorable Trump Supporters,

Are you still confused why you are deplorable?  Need more reasons than being anti-semitic, anti-islam, anti-immigrant, homophobic, vicious, brutal, racist, white supremacist, tolerant of rape culture, complacent and GREEDY?

OK . . .

PUTIN can flatter and Puppet a weak, pandering United States, mafia-dealing,  PIMP like Donald Trump.  

Do you recall when former President George W. Bush held up the plastic turkey for a picture with the troops during a Thanksgiving “visit” where he didn’t even stay to dine with them?  Laura Bush defended her husband’s shameless selfie as:  but that’s what politicians do, they “present.”  It’s “acting.”  

Paul Manafort (former Trump campaign manager) with ties to Russia
Paul Manafort (former Trump campaign manager) with ties to Russia

Well, Donald Trump is in FACT qualified to be Putin’s “Top Dawg.”  He’ll be serving Putin his red meat.  At best you will be Putin’s meat packers.

So hey you bitches, stop asking why PUTIN would be interested in hacking the democratic elections of the United States.  

When Rudy Guilliani says Trump is best for President, he’s just saying to vote for the NRA.  He’s an arms dealer.  He’s just saying vote for the gun-packing-super-pac.  And you know this does not make you safer.  You know the “Law and Order” president is just another word for KKK sponsored Police Brutality. Rudy likes to minimize and dismiss rape-culture because he wants to keep using rape as a form of torture.  He knows rape is profitable. 

What makes YOU part of the Deplorable Category you ask, fearing your own unredeemable glance into the mirror of truth?  

YOU are a bigoted, racist, homophobic, sexist, misogynistic, climate-change denying,  greedy, bullying, spin-doctoring, hate-speaking, white supremacist, slandering, dumbed-down and proud of it, hater.

Wait, I don’t sound warm and forgiving enough to the racists? Really? Awww… I’m not being inclusive enough to the bigots? You think deplorable people deserve a chance at redemption?

If you don’t believe you fall into this category or if you don’t want to be Deplorable ANY longer or help play a part in sending the world into worse Hell, get the fuck out of the DEPLORABLE basket and demand that the Emoluments Clause prohibit Donald Trump the tyrant from taking office.

It’s not time to make peace with YOU Deplorables.  It’s time to let you know you are corrupt.

***

The Pussy Riot “Make America Great Again” (music video) is being posted here for NO COMMERCIAL PURPOSES. Oct 27, 2016
#PussyGrabsBack #NastyWoman (!) Because YOU decide elections and if we get together, we could blow this shit up, take action and reverse this erosion of rights. Because fuck it.

– – – –
Written passionately by Ricky Reed, Nadya, Tom Peyton

– – – –
Music video is directed by Jonas Akerlund
Style: B Akerlund
Make up : Ozzy Salvatierra
Hair : Patricia Morales
Special effects make up : Jerry Constantine

– – – –
Be Pussy Riot. It’s fun.
Join Lady Parts Justice: http://www.ladypartsjustice.com/

– – – -LYRICS- – – –
What do you want your world to look like?
What do you want it to be?
Do you know that a wall has two sides?
And nobody is free?
Did your mama come from Mexico
Papa come from Palestine
Sneaking all through Syria
Crossing all the border lines

Let other people in
Listen to your women
Stop killing black children
Make America Great Again

Could you imagine a politician
calling a woman a dog?
Do you wanna stay in the kitchen?
Is that where you belong?
How do you picture the perfect leader
Who do you want him to be
Has he promoted the use of torture and killing families

Let other people in
Listen to your women
Stop killing black children
Make America Great Again

***

The Pussy Riot “I Can’t Breathe” (music video) is being posted here for NO COMMERCIAL PURPOSES.  (Feb 18, 2015)
Pussy Riot’s first song in English is dedicated to Eric Garner and the words he repeated eleven times before his death. This song is for Eric and for all those from Russia to America and around the globe who suffer from state terror – killed, choked, perished because of war and state sponsored violence of all kinds – for political prisoners and those on the streets fighting for change. We stand in solidarity.

22pussy-riot22-photo-by-igor-mukhinPussy Riot’s Masha and Nadya are being buried alive in the Russian riot police uniforms that are worn during the violent clashes of police and the protesters fighting for change in Russia. A pack of “Russian Spring” brand cigarettes is on the ground at the beginning. “Russian Spring” is a term used by those who are in love with Russia’s aggressive militant actions in Ukraine, and the cigarettes are a real thing.

“I Can’t Breathe” was recorded in New York in December 2014 during the protests against police brutality together with Pussy Riot, Richard Hell, Nick Zinner, Andrew Wyatt, Shahzad Ismaily (The Ceramic Dog) and Russian bands Jack Wood and Scofferlane.

MUSIC VIDEO:
Concept, directed and produced: Pussy Riot
Video directors – Gogol Wives
Director of Photography and editor: Mikhail Vikhrov.

MUSIC:
Concept, produced: Pussy Riot
Vocals: Sasha Klokova (Jack Wood), Matt Kulakov (Scofferlane), Richard Hell
Lyrics: Matt Kulakov (Scofferlane)
Monologe of Eric Garner: Richard Hell
Bit: Andrew Wyatt
Piano, Bass: Nick Zinner
Drums: Shahzad Ismaily
Engineered and mixed by Philip Weinrobe at Figure Eight Studios in Brooklyn, NY

– – – – LYRICS- – – –
He’s become his death
The spark of the riots
That’s the way he’s blessed
To stay alive.

It never leads to an end
It’s never getting quiet
If it’s unfair, my friend,
Make up your mind

It’s getting dark in New York city
It’s getting dark in New York city
It’s getting tight in New York city
I need to catch my breath

You know this world of hate
You know this stubborn light
They’re in the prayers you pray
Late at night

We’re only half way down
Who dares to take a breath?
Some fairness might be found
From ashes of his death.
Eric Garner’s last words (read by Richard Hell):

Get away [garbled] for what? Every time you see me, you want to mess with me. I’m tired of it. It stops today. Why would you…? Everyone standing here will tell you I didn’t do nothing. I did not sell nothing. Because everytime you see me, you want to harass me. You want to stop me [garbled] Selling cigarettes. I’m minding my business, officer, I’m minding my business. Please just leave me alone. I told you the last time, please just leave me alone. please please, don’t touch me. Do not touch me. [garbled] I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.

***

Pussy Riot is a Russian feminist punk rock protest group based in Moscow. Founded in August 2011, it had a variable membership of approximately 11 women ranging in age from about 20 to 33 (as of 2012). The group staged unauthorised provocative guerrilla performances in public places, which were made into music videos and posted on the Internet.  The collective’s lyrical themes included feminism, LGBT rights, and opposition to Russian President Vladimir Putin, the dictator. These themes also encompassed Putin’s links to the leadership of the Russian Orthodox Church.

On February 21, 2012, five members of the group staged a performance in Moscow’s Cathedral of Christ the Savior.  The group’s actions were eventually stopped by church security officials. The women said their protest was directed at the Orthodox Church leaders’ support for Putin during his election campaign. On March 3, 2012, two of the group members, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina, were arrested and charged with hooliganism. A third member, Yekaterina Samutsevich, was arrested on March 16. Denied bail, they were held in custody until their trial began in late July. On August 17, 2012, the three members were convicted of “hooliganism motivated by religious hatred”, and each was sentenced to two years’ imprisonment. On October 10, following an appeal, Samutsevich was freed on probation and her sentence suspended. The sentences of the other two women were upheld.

The trial and sentence attracted considerable criticism, particularly in the West. The case was adopted by human-rights groups, including Amnesty International, which designated the women as prisoners of conscience, and by a number of prominent entertainers. Public opinion in Russia was generally less sympathetic towards the women. Having served 21 months, Tolokonnikova and Alyokhina were released on December 23, 2013, after the State Duma approved an amnesty.

In February 2014, a statement was made anonymously on behalf of some Pussy Riot members that both Alyokhina and Tolokonnikova were no longer members. However, both were among the group that performed as Pussy Riot during the Winter Olympics in Sochi, where group members were attacked with whips and pepper spray by Cossacks who were employed as security guards. On 6 March 2014, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina were assaulted and sprayed with green paint by local youths in Nizhny Novgorod. (sourced and paraphrased from wikipedia December 2016)

If You Have The Spirit To Help The World . . .

The above video is: Allen Ginsberg (poet/vocals) with Paul McCartney (guitar, drums, hammond organ & maracas) and Philip glass (keyboard) performing:  “Ballad of the Skeletons” (video directed by Gus Van Sant)

When You Need No Pressure on the Wound

If you measure your self worth by your good deeds and your good deeds do not “pay off,” as expected, leaving you depleted or resentful instead, you’re not doing the real work you were called to do.  You’ve been bluffing.  Maybe unwittingly, but it’s time to stop lying to yourself.

Maybe, part of your problem is that you heard you need to walk around in another man’s shoes before you can judge him, and in trying to wear shoes that don’t fit, you ended up less helpful and more klutzy.

One time there was a man who went to a gallery in New York and he climbed to the top of a ladder, where at the top was a magnifying glass and when he held it to the tiny word, it read: “YES,” and this delighted him.

It’s important to further what is honestly useful, however, and an EQUALLY useful word for women to know is, “NO.”

I’ve selected the following information to assist anyone who has problems with feeling unappreciated or used in relationships and is looking to break free of the cycle(s):  

The Author of this “unprofessional advice” goes by the blog name: Light (Please Note Light’s Disclaimer regarding on-line advice at the end of the post)

Light’s policy states that you may copy and share this information if you DO NOT alter the words in any way or sell the material.

“Try Someone Else”
Copyright 2009

by:
Lightshouse.org

How to stay out of the Scapegoat Role,
the Doormat Role, the Sucker Role
and the Unappreciated Role…

1. Force yourself to stand up straight and speak up loud and clear. Don’t shrink. It’s hard at first, but make yourself do it. It gets easier every time.

2. Make eye contact and ask what people mean, ask them to explain, ask for favors, ask what time it is, ask for things to be handed to you, ask, ask, ask. People who never ask for consideration or assistance and always say yes are sending doormat messages and shouldn’t be surprised when others expect them to tolerate mistreatment. It makes you an easy target for getting unappreciated and used, and not just by bad apples, either. You’d be very surprised how even good, well-meaning people will disregard you and disrespect you if you act like you have no needs, you have no complaints, you have no spine and you have no thoughts, opinions, wishes and plans of your own.

3. Practice saying “No”. Again, just do it. If it feels overwhelming, try it with small things first, and work your way up to bigger situations. You don’t need a reason other than not wanting to. Just say the word “no” and let the other person be the next to speak. Beware of people who ask you to do things by asking you first, “Are you busy later?”, or “What are you doing this afternoon?” You’re about to get pinned into a corner. Whenever you’re approached with something like, “Hey, are you busy on Tuesday the 12th?” make it a habit to always immediately reply, “I’m not available, why?” (You can always change your mind later if it’s something you want to give). When you say no to some things, it teaches people they need to ask for – not just assume you have to give – what they want.

4. Know that the more compliant and submissive you are, the less respect you will get. I used to mistake a lot of agreement for being polite. Then I realized that most others take a lot of agreement for “pushover” and “worthless”. It was a surprise to find that the reason I was always treated like dirt was my own submissive behavior. Shockingly, the more I learned to say no and put boundaries, etc., the kinder people were to me! I had always thought if you wanted people to treat you well, you should be agreeable and do things they wanted! (“Oh, why doesn’t so-and-so think I matter – haven’t I been NICE enough?”) So I’d try to be even nicer and get even LESS respect!! Now I know that if you want people to be respectful and kind to you, you must show some spine.

5. Don’t consistently give more than you get. That goes for work, friends, everything. 50/50 is the goal. Sure, sometimes it will be 60/40 or 70/30, but IN BOTH DIRECTIONS. That means sometimes you should be getting 70 and the other gets 30. Not them always being the one to get 70 and YOU 30.

6. Walk away if your needs aren’t getting met. Your life expectancy is about 75-80 years. Many of those years are now gone. Life is too short to keep trying to make other people and situations fit you that can’t possibly do so. Move out easily and head right into what seems to suit you better. Remember, everyone else is taking care of themselves (or should be and has the right to be) as well.

7. Learn to say “I’ll think about it” as your default response to requests. Many scapegoats and doormats have “yes” as their default, and then they panic because they didn’t REALLY want to do the things they agreed to, and now they feel stuck keeping their word. Flip that around and do it backwards. Always say you’ll think about it and that you need time to consider it (no matter what) and THEN GO THINK about if you HONESTLY WWAANNTT to do it and get back with a good decision. Anybody who tells me they cannot wait for me to consider something is then automatically told NO! Remember, controlling people will pressure you to answer fast. Never do that. Always answer slowly. Take an hour, a day or a week. That gives your brainwashed brain time to un-brainwash and consider YOU.

8. Accept imperfection as inherent in all things and people, including yourself. Let your friends screw up now and again and love them anyway, and make sure you are getting the same in return. As long as you – and they – are making an effort and meeting each others’ needs otherwise. Reciprocity and equality should always be present as much as possible.

9. Start thinking of yourself as somebody. Say your name. Think about what’s important to you. Express it. Find what you’re about and what you want to be a part of. If you have something that’s important to you, it will help pull you out of disorderly thinking and into well-being, because commitment to that thing (whether it’s being a good parent, doing something in your community, building a better mousetrap or anything else you think is important and feeds your soul) will help you work out all your kinks.

10. When someone mistreats you, distance yourself in self-preservation. That doesn’t mean be a shrinking violet. It just means that once you’ve picked up that someone is unempathic, a user, narcissistic, whatever – to the best of your ability, limit your exposure to them. Don’t sit near them, don’t agree to work near their office if you have the option not to, don’t say yes to things they ask. Get quiet, get distant, get unengaging, don’t look at them much. If it’s a work situation and you have to have contact, limit that contact time with them as much as you can and avoid speaking to them alone. Speak to them about important matters only when others are present. If it’s not a co-worker but a partygoer, mutual friend, neighbor, stranger, etc., turn tail and LEAVE THEIR PRESENCE. Also keep away from the circle of people immediately surrounding this person! These will not be healthy people, much as you might like them, and you will get sucked into the toxic web even worse than if you contacted the problematic person directly, because a NICE person has pulled you in. You’ll feel sorry for them, etc., and feel even more stuck in it. They have to learn to take care of themselves, as you’re doing.

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Neither Light’s House/Light’s Blog nor any of their contributors takes any responsibility for the choices and actions of any visitors, readers of its materials, or anyone with whom the abovementioned parties are associated. Light’s House also assumes no responsibility for any content from sites for which it has provided external links and/or web addresses.

NOTE: The video featuring Allen Ginsberg is being posted here only for educational/semi-political/entertainment reasons and for NO COMMERCIAL PURPOSES.