“New” Barbie Dolls Don’t Work


new barbie body shape curvy
New Barbie Body Shape: “Curvy” 2016

“I realize my ginormous designer decal fake denim bow is supposed to cover my boobies because ya’ll got uptight about ’em being so much bigger than my waist last year.  And true now I don’t look like a super model and you will make fun of ‘Fat Barbie’ even though I’m not really fat and my designer simply wanted me to have child-bearing hips.  I mean they talked about it on T.V. and said this was better than dressing me like an astronaut.  So, okay… I accept my “New” less perfect thighs but I hate my broken-in capris pants and all american tank top.  The big heart necklace is too cutesy and makes me wanna barf.  My suggestion is that you make the outfit below for me, including the tools.  I want the hammer.  Notice this woman is capable of building things while I look capable of going to a shopping mall.”

working woman c1900
REAL working woman c1900


new barbie body shape
New Barbie Body Shape: “Original with updated Asian Face” 2016

“I am nothing New and improved in Barbie land.  I only look dressed in retro-Paris Hilton wear without the arm-Chihuahua, but my purse looks like it would fit her poo poo bags. And who wears these shoes?  Not the Tinman in the New Wiz, ‘cuz it was Dorothy!!! You remember how she was all silver Clunk Clunk?  And what am I gonna do~ bend over in this little skirt and these tall shoes to pick up poop? Yeeeeah, right.  So, this is BORING.  My suggestion is that you make me the armor as worn by the Samurai woman below.  We can discuss weapons and my horse in the future.”

Real female warrior in feudal Japan: Onna-bugeisha (Woman Samurai) late 1800.